One thing I nor anyone else I think will ever understand is something that we all want; and in more than one way, even need. Though some would question it, it is the single most misunderstood "emotion" in the history of the world itself. Scientists and philosophers alike have tussled with its meaning. If you haven't already guessed at the cause for all of this in depth quarreling, we are referring to a thing called love. Some would claim that love is the simple sum of several chemical reactions in the body, others that it is a heaven-sent thing that us the most divine of emotions. Whether you believe in oxytosin or endorphins or more practical things like patience and kindness, There are billions of people in this world who would also have their say. So is love an opinion? Or something as vital as even the air we breathe? Either way, love is something i struggle to come to terms with.
daily.
Society tries to mold your opinions, right? Do we not see commercials telling us who's in, and what's out? In the same way, do magazines not post several articles an issue, stating which qualities makes a guy a keeper, or which PIECE of the male anatomy is a keeper, for that matter. What type of girl should I as a Sagittarius look for this month? Society tends to mold our views on much more than fashion and politics. The "social norm" of love has churches telling us who to marry, and in some countries they still have arranged marriages. Many different sources try to tell us what love is, and how to find it; and in a search for something we need; we listen and we fail. 50% of marriages fail, we go to counseling, but its too late to fix it; to replenish that lost flame. Nay, but was the flame ever indeed there? People love each other for 20 years, and then decide to split and claim that a flame was lost, or something like irreconcilable differences. How so? Is love not the pinnacle of human relation? Their are friends in elementary school that i had a platonic love for, and still miss; 15 years later. My father has not been around for 10 or so years, and if he came back, i would forgive and forget, and love. So how can two people claim to have love, the height of human intimacy, grow to hate each other? These are both basic examples, but as you will see later, there is so much more at stake than just the word. How can this happen after 20 years? 10? and God forbid a shorter term. I would say that this love is a facade, and true love was never there. That flame was but lust, the use of your utilities is no longer needed,this was but a higher form of like, or something of the sort. Common sense says that love is not any of these things, yet fools still abound! How so? It is simply because no one truly understands what love is.
Some would equate love to oxygen; songs and people claim that it is needed to breathe, to remain alive. So is your mate an oxygen tank? per say? They cant be an unlimited supply. So the shelf life of each tank expires, leaving one partner exhausted of everything they have, and the other moving on to a new oxygen tank every 3 or so years. Hardly what I view as a divine gift. Some would equate its warmth to that of a fire. So many things can go wrong here. Overlooking all the bad connotations that can be made about fire, I took this one from another standpoint. I thought of the mystery of love being like in the beginnings of time when man discovered this great thing; fire. It was used to warm them, to help provide nourishment and clean water, even to ward away foes. Truly a gift from above. But as time passed, and mankind became more advanced, we became inherently more corrupt; using this good thing called fire for its own selfish purposes. Just as man corrupted fire, it corrupted love. Scientists downplay its glory, Philosophers doubt its use. But it is still that divine thing that was given to us; and just as man, uncorrupt, used fire as a necessity, so shall we use love. But how so? For no one even knows what love truly is. For this, I loo to a child, and the love for their mother, their father. So basic, yet in a way it is the only way we can be sure we honestly understand that. You nor i understand the strength of the bond of mother and child, but it is the strongest of bonds, nevertheless. That, or we can look to scripture, and look at what the lord himself says of love. The Bible calls love several things: patient, kind, meek, mild, et cetera. And even a fool can see that truly love is all of those things, no matter what you believe. But society as said before warps these views, and love is skewed beyond repair. The nature of man, also, plays a role; as carnality plays a large role in the choosing of mates in our world today. Why is that? the things that fade are the most important only because we make them so. Sex with a replaced hip does not speak awesome, and wrinkles come about sooner or later. So why is personality consciously(or subconsciously) last in our pecking order? I have no clue, I myself am still trying to "bag a hottie." But in the end, I know, we all know, what love is. It speaks to us from afar, as if from the beyond or the soul itself. This love, true love is none of the above.
In this, truth.
No better way to put it.
"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, nor does it brag, and is not puffed up. Love does not behave indecently, It does not seek its own interests, and is slow to anger. It does not keep account of injury. It does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth. True love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
Love never fails."
1st Corinthians 13: 4-8 NIV
It goes on to say where there is prophesy, where there are tongues, where there is knowledge, love will wither away. and also that we all have a bit of each of the latter. No hope right? He says that true love becomes apparent, when it does at least, all these things that man has lead us to believe, what our flesh has lead us to think, will be done away with. Like he himself says,
and like I believe
"Amor Vincit Omnia"
Love conquers all.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Ducunt Volentem Fata, Nolentem Trahunt
Often times I wonder about things; well all the time. Humans are selfish beings, always trying to improve there situation in whichever way that is available. It is a theory of some that happiness is a goal that is never truly achieved; there is never enough food, never enough money, etc. I guess in the effort to take that to another level, I evaluate the things in my life every so often. So as an experiment, Im going to write 25 truths about me, just like I did a couple years back. I wonder, are my intentions at all different than they were then, or did I change entirely? I couldnt tell you because im biased, but indeed we shall see...
1. Even though im not the most religious person, I still see the way that God moves in my life. At times, I see myself fall, and i know that its him telling me what I really need to be doing.
2. I love love love bright colored clothing. I think its a more selfish attention grabbing thing. I do like the compliments I recieve when someone makes a comment about how it looks against my dark skin.
3. I write for the same purpose as this note i guess. I feel lost at times, and i guess its documentation of how i went crazzzy. i write less b/c im lazy these days, not because of happiness....:(
4. Black women IRK me. i think the amt of pigmentation in your skin correlates to your lack of common sense. You be civil, you get attitude. you get buck, you get a lifetime movie written about you. you cant tell black women nothing. A good black woman is so, damn, hard, to find.
5.ignorance is more and more a turnoff for me. I seem to be less prone to grin and bear anything; I often get tired more quickly becuase just as in 4, you cant tell ignorant people anything. So i just dont associate with them at all. I get upset when people who I like get more ignorant as time goes on. Its like what happened? difficult situation indeed.
6. I dont like the fact that even though I tell people to be straight up with me, they still feel the need to go around and lie. There isnt to much that upsets me these days. I feel like im one hundred all the time....why cant you be?
7. I love black boy swag, white boy tags.....its how i get down. Its so efficient, and no one can lie, it looks good.
8. My friends are my life. I love being surrounded by people who have a good head on them, and know how to have a good time.
9.There isnt a name for those certain few who I couldnt live without. I do not know what I would do without you.
10. Love gets more confusing more and more everyday. There isnt anything im more sure of, yet there is so much I dont understand. Yet, I still want it.
11. I never had a desire to travel, until now. I dont think I can choose a place to spend my life without seeing everything out there.
12. Music is at times the only thing that keeps me going. You feel alone, but you listen, and you know that someone has experienced this before. Its totally outrageous how vital it is. at times i miss it, and get that fix....its like a drug.
13. I regret nothing in life; because of one, I feel that everything happens for a reason.
14. I am so prideful. the face of it even. its crazy how i cant let go of it sometimes, but it made me who i am.
15. I am A LOT more humble. thats saying something right? tho its only in certain situations...
16. I think i think more often than everyone else. A LOT more often. Its wierd b/c its all very freeing, to be inside your own space. thats why i stay so long, I think.
17. being honest with someone and them thinking you are a liar is a pain i wouldnt wish on an enemy. when you pour out your heart and get blank stares......eh. not a very good feeling.
18. My heart is so torn apart its like i dont have but pieces to give anymore. its sad, because i dont know if im blind to good things sometimes. because i find something and its lacking, so i look for something thats not lacking it but the next is missing this.....so this and that are right there and i miss out.....the irony.
19. I like big butts. I cannot lie.
20. i think more and more everyday that im in the wrong place. but im scared. where else am i supposed to be?
21. Desperation is a fuel that burns longer than any other specific motivation that you could name. I feel that all or nothing is what keeps me motivated, more than the reward, more than the positives of the struggle. Seeing myself do things that i would normally not do, i guess is a clear example.
22. people forget, you deny it, but i am black. from my head down to my feet, i am a brother. i may sway a little, the words may not be bonic enough, but believe me, for more reasons than one my friend V, I am a nigga. tried and true.
23. as time goes on i wonder where i would be. lol some say its regret, but i cant regret the things that i could not change, that i had no control over. being so unlucky changed my life considerably. but even though im well now, was it indeed for the better?
24. I feel as if the world is doomed, because of good intentions. I feel like morality instead of christianity is a reason why i struggle sometimes. good intentions is manmade, and different from person to person. why not believe in some divine standard? its where it all came from anyway.
25. I still love me a white girl.
"ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt"
the fates lead the willing, and drag the unwilling.
am i being dragged?
1. Even though im not the most religious person, I still see the way that God moves in my life. At times, I see myself fall, and i know that its him telling me what I really need to be doing.
2. I love love love bright colored clothing. I think its a more selfish attention grabbing thing. I do like the compliments I recieve when someone makes a comment about how it looks against my dark skin.
3. I write for the same purpose as this note i guess. I feel lost at times, and i guess its documentation of how i went crazzzy. i write less b/c im lazy these days, not because of happiness....:(
4. Black women IRK me. i think the amt of pigmentation in your skin correlates to your lack of common sense. You be civil, you get attitude. you get buck, you get a lifetime movie written about you. you cant tell black women nothing. A good black woman is so, damn, hard, to find.
5.ignorance is more and more a turnoff for me. I seem to be less prone to grin and bear anything; I often get tired more quickly becuase just as in 4, you cant tell ignorant people anything. So i just dont associate with them at all. I get upset when people who I like get more ignorant as time goes on. Its like what happened? difficult situation indeed.
6. I dont like the fact that even though I tell people to be straight up with me, they still feel the need to go around and lie. There isnt to much that upsets me these days. I feel like im one hundred all the time....why cant you be?
7. I love black boy swag, white boy tags.....its how i get down. Its so efficient, and no one can lie, it looks good.
8. My friends are my life. I love being surrounded by people who have a good head on them, and know how to have a good time.
9.There isnt a name for those certain few who I couldnt live without. I do not know what I would do without you.
10. Love gets more confusing more and more everyday. There isnt anything im more sure of, yet there is so much I dont understand. Yet, I still want it.
11. I never had a desire to travel, until now. I dont think I can choose a place to spend my life without seeing everything out there.
12. Music is at times the only thing that keeps me going. You feel alone, but you listen, and you know that someone has experienced this before. Its totally outrageous how vital it is. at times i miss it, and get that fix....its like a drug.
13. I regret nothing in life; because of one, I feel that everything happens for a reason.
14. I am so prideful. the face of it even. its crazy how i cant let go of it sometimes, but it made me who i am.
15. I am A LOT more humble. thats saying something right? tho its only in certain situations...
16. I think i think more often than everyone else. A LOT more often. Its wierd b/c its all very freeing, to be inside your own space. thats why i stay so long, I think.
17. being honest with someone and them thinking you are a liar is a pain i wouldnt wish on an enemy. when you pour out your heart and get blank stares......eh. not a very good feeling.
18. My heart is so torn apart its like i dont have but pieces to give anymore. its sad, because i dont know if im blind to good things sometimes. because i find something and its lacking, so i look for something thats not lacking it but the next is missing this.....so this and that are right there and i miss out.....the irony.
19. I like big butts. I cannot lie.
20. i think more and more everyday that im in the wrong place. but im scared. where else am i supposed to be?
21. Desperation is a fuel that burns longer than any other specific motivation that you could name. I feel that all or nothing is what keeps me motivated, more than the reward, more than the positives of the struggle. Seeing myself do things that i would normally not do, i guess is a clear example.
22. people forget, you deny it, but i am black. from my head down to my feet, i am a brother. i may sway a little, the words may not be bonic enough, but believe me, for more reasons than one my friend V, I am a nigga. tried and true.
23. as time goes on i wonder where i would be. lol some say its regret, but i cant regret the things that i could not change, that i had no control over. being so unlucky changed my life considerably. but even though im well now, was it indeed for the better?
24. I feel as if the world is doomed, because of good intentions. I feel like morality instead of christianity is a reason why i struggle sometimes. good intentions is manmade, and different from person to person. why not believe in some divine standard? its where it all came from anyway.
25. I still love me a white girl.
"ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt"
the fates lead the willing, and drag the unwilling.
am i being dragged?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Opere Et Viritate
One thing I loved about philosophy is contemplating the "concept of being." Not the whole "I think, therefore I am" ordeal, but things like experience; Do we really experience things through sensory and perception, or is it that we actually think we do? Or something along those lines. If that made no sense, which if you read my blog more than periodically, think of it this way. What if our physical bodies are just that; orifices to enable us to manifest a physical presence on this earth? We are bound to things such as gravity, fatigue, and going as far as fear, because we are physically bound to this earth and a fear of losing that tie limits us to things that are free, yet not so far as to free us from this body; and to ponder outside this realm. ???? I know. Think of it like this; A skydiver endulges in the act because of its sense of freedom, unbound to anything, to be able to flip and to frollick in that thing we know as the wild blue yonder. Then again, only to be snapped back into reality, in fear of losing his "life," or his physical being. Think of us as skydivers, all with the will to roam free. But we are tied to our fears, i.e. our parachutes, in order to remain "alive," or physically present in this world. It is human nature to be free, unbound by anything, naive to laws, theories and science, unawares of why this and why that. This goes back to the infamous Garden of Eden. Likewise, it has become that humans, just as they are curious, they are fearful of what dwells beyond such curiousity. HowI yearn to leap from that roof, to take flight; but "knowing" of its dreadful outcome, to fear gravity, to lose that physical tie to this real world. WHY? We all know that 100 times out of 100, If I jump, I will fall. But nevertheless, I still want to. Likewise, how do we know what will happen? No one can see the future, thus no one knows the outcome. And even more so, you would want to jump just as I would. How do I know? because it is our nature. To be free of all inhibitions for just that moment, to do potentially exponential amounts of frontflips and backflips, etc; that is, until we come back to what keeps us from doing so, hitting the ground and "dying." Death? What if it is the becoming of actual life? Freedom from pain, sorrow, and the things we can feel in this physical realm? Noty bound to a body, in which wants to jump, but can't. That, my friend, I guess is what we all ponder. We fear the "end," but alas, is it really so? We do not know, and what we do not know, we as humans fear. and "DEATH," being a loathsome and sick creature, sits atop the fence between this life and the next; He knows of the other side. He beckons some, breathing lies of things better in the beyond. But indeed,
are they lies?
Henceforth, shall I jump? Nay, we know what our fates will be, persay....
"In action, and in truth"
Is how we all shall fly away.
are they lies?
Henceforth, shall I jump? Nay, we know what our fates will be, persay....
"In action, and in truth"
Is how we all shall fly away.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Tentanda Via
I haven't written in awhile, I always tend not to write when I am enjoying life, sad to say. Though life could be better, I am writing today because honestly I miss it, and want this area in my life to be more apparent. My writing to me is so many things; in ways it is me. It is the portal into the desires of my heart, yet the cherubim that gaurds it. It is the shield that wards away the demons, but also the sword that vanquishes my foes. That being said, with writing being so many things to me, my life seems to cycle around because all these things are not apparent. My heart becomes cold and hard because I do not channel my desires, and with a cold heart I beckon demons, both new and old; in which without writing, I would have no shield to ward them off. With my enemies surrounding me, and my weapon not even drawn, it is not a wonder that I am wounded by that which knows my qualms so well. The battle may not be lost, but to fight without my weapon is to fight long and hard; and to develop many scars along the way. Would I have been vigilant, I could have saved face, in a lot of cases.
But should I remain on the offensive? Should I express myself through writing, only to have it viewed as venting and whining by some, thus it not being heard. One of my fears is to speak and not to be heard. To not have a voice, to feel helpless. I am stuck it feels with two options, to do the former, and to develop these scars; or to talk and to talk and to talk, thus be seen as the one who cries wolf. And just as the story goes, I will be unheard when it shall matter the most. The former has been tried, and been found wanting. Thus shall we try the latter?
"Tentanda Via"
"The way must be tried"
as I know no other.
But should I remain on the offensive? Should I express myself through writing, only to have it viewed as venting and whining by some, thus it not being heard. One of my fears is to speak and not to be heard. To not have a voice, to feel helpless. I am stuck it feels with two options, to do the former, and to develop these scars; or to talk and to talk and to talk, thus be seen as the one who cries wolf. And just as the story goes, I will be unheard when it shall matter the most. The former has been tried, and been found wanting. Thus shall we try the latter?
"Tentanda Via"
"The way must be tried"
as I know no other.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Aliquid Stat Pro Aliquo
One of my dearest friends once said something that could ultimately make or break your life. "You either stand for something or you fall for nothing." One thing I hate in this world is a fool. Not fool, as merriam webster would define it; but the fools, or foolery to be more exact, that abound in our world today. Who's to blame. Blame society, blame television, blame your parents, take the easy way out and blame dishonorable George W Bush even, just remember as you are howling "heretic" and pointing fingures how foolish you look for not taking responsibility for yourself. You yourself, for being part in such things. Myself included, I am not void of niavity every now and again. There are so many things that can be accomplished by speaking of things in which you have no knowledge about. About people, about society, about democracy, about yourself. All in the order of that which I feel is the most foolish. Take this for example. You have one of your associates and they say something about someone you know along the lines of "Oh, he does (insert behavior A) because his (insert cause 1 for behavior A) and (insert cause 2 for behavior A). It's so sad knowing that he (insert behavior B) because of (insert outlandish cause for behavior B). Absolutely outrageous. How do you know the purpose of something someone says, does, are the causes of their actions if ultimately you are not them? How can you say that you understand why this is happening in the world if you have no idea what goes on inside your own home even? How can you know the solution to someone else's issue when you have millions of issues of your own that you can't solve not one of them? RIDICULOUS. Even if you got this info from the person you are speaking of, I am sure that that person disclosed to you this info because they opened up and trusted you, and you gave up that trust by doing such a thing. Why ruin a bond you have with someone who generally cares for you enough that they would tell you what causes them dismay; and/or why lie and spread rumors about them just to make yourself look better. Like I said, ultimately only that person knows why they are the way they are; and sometimes even you don't know yourself. It is a sad thing to see people who are grown and educated and sophisticated revert back to "those high school days" in which everyone would try to get a head up on anyone else by any means possible. I feel its safe to say that these people revert to these ways for a reason, as I think that these type of people will stay fools for the entirety of their lives. Why fall for the world that is cold and hard and will chew you up and use you until you are spent and helpless and spit you out like used gum? LIVE YOUR LIFE, don't tread and worry about someone else's. Talking about others, wondering if others are talking about you, talking to others asking who is saying what about you when in reality when you leave, it is safe to say that they are. Fall for this system that has done nothing for you or stand for yourself and make yourself be known as a person oh higher integrity and greater character.
"aliquid stat pro aliquo"
"either stand for something"
or fall gracelessly from nothing.
"aliquid stat pro aliquo"
"either stand for something"
or fall gracelessly from nothing.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
veritas vos liberabit
I know I haven't written in a while, it's been a crazy year so far. However, no excuses; let's get down to business.and thanks for the little extra push ;)
In the light of father's day, I came to realize something, nothing extraordinary mind you, but it has always been a hastle in my life. I have always been one to say that you look more like a fool when you claim to know something you have little or no understanding of, moreso than a fool I\d say. Claiming such knowledge that you do not possess is not only a generally ludicrious act, but discredits you as a human being of respect and integrity. What in the name of your higher power (as Oprah would say) does this have to do with father\s day you ask? A lot of things. Lets also say that this is a precursor to the next series of writings to which I am in the process of writting now, generally about the same broad perspective. Now, what I've been poking at comes out into the open. Every father's day, me, always being bored out of my mind on sundays, thinks of calling a few friends and wanting to hang out. It being father's day, they are with their families and generally wanting to know why I am not doing the same. As usual, I tell them that I have never had an actual father figure, he left when I was young. Mind you, I have never ever felt sad about this; he never did anything for us (me and my mom), so i've always been the man. They get into sympathy mode and say something along the lines of "Aw, thats sad. I know how you feel...
....
...
No, you don't.Not being rude or anything, but you know this has happened to you as well. Myself, in this case, asks this person; how do you know how i feel if your parents are alive and kicking? Not even the half of it. Forget the nights I spent hungry so i could get to school, the days I had to sleep in a hot room b/c the air conditioning is broken, the times I was afraid to go to the hospital because I know we didn't have any insurance nor money to pay for services. Forget that, I am setting up a sob story; but the exact opposite. I am not even complaining, I personally don't care all that much. but think about yourself; and no matter what you do have and are going through, their are people with a lot less going through a lot more. Don't tell that drug addict coming off four years of a cocaine addiction that you know how they feel if you don't even sip wine at the communion at church. Don't tell the person who's lost a parent that you know what they are going through if your mom and dad are in their late 30s and your grandparents do roller derby on the weekends. Quite simply, you don't; you just don't. Offer your care, offer anything but do not say you understand something you are totally oblivious of. You may ask; how are those two things different? Simple; one is fake and a lie, the other is 100% geniune and sincere. People have forgotten the value and how it changes the gravity to a situation when a hug is offered, a shoulder is presented in which to allow leaning. Then again, nothing says I feel for you, I hurt with you than a tear shed with a friend. STOP DOING WHAT SOCIETY HAS TRAINED YOU TO DO. By Doing so, Stop claiming knowledge you do not possess;
"veritas vos liberabit"
and the truth will set you free.
In the light of father's day, I came to realize something, nothing extraordinary mind you, but it has always been a hastle in my life. I have always been one to say that you look more like a fool when you claim to know something you have little or no understanding of, moreso than a fool I\d say. Claiming such knowledge that you do not possess is not only a generally ludicrious act, but discredits you as a human being of respect and integrity. What in the name of your higher power (as Oprah would say) does this have to do with father\s day you ask? A lot of things. Lets also say that this is a precursor to the next series of writings to which I am in the process of writting now, generally about the same broad perspective. Now, what I've been poking at comes out into the open. Every father's day, me, always being bored out of my mind on sundays, thinks of calling a few friends and wanting to hang out. It being father's day, they are with their families and generally wanting to know why I am not doing the same. As usual, I tell them that I have never had an actual father figure, he left when I was young. Mind you, I have never ever felt sad about this; he never did anything for us (me and my mom), so i've always been the man. They get into sympathy mode and say something along the lines of "Aw, thats sad. I know how you feel...
....
...
No, you don't.Not being rude or anything, but you know this has happened to you as well. Myself, in this case, asks this person; how do you know how i feel if your parents are alive and kicking? Not even the half of it. Forget the nights I spent hungry so i could get to school, the days I had to sleep in a hot room b/c the air conditioning is broken, the times I was afraid to go to the hospital because I know we didn't have any insurance nor money to pay for services. Forget that, I am setting up a sob story; but the exact opposite. I am not even complaining, I personally don't care all that much. but think about yourself; and no matter what you do have and are going through, their are people with a lot less going through a lot more. Don't tell that drug addict coming off four years of a cocaine addiction that you know how they feel if you don't even sip wine at the communion at church. Don't tell the person who's lost a parent that you know what they are going through if your mom and dad are in their late 30s and your grandparents do roller derby on the weekends. Quite simply, you don't; you just don't. Offer your care, offer anything but do not say you understand something you are totally oblivious of. You may ask; how are those two things different? Simple; one is fake and a lie, the other is 100% geniune and sincere. People have forgotten the value and how it changes the gravity to a situation when a hug is offered, a shoulder is presented in which to allow leaning. Then again, nothing says I feel for you, I hurt with you than a tear shed with a friend. STOP DOING WHAT SOCIETY HAS TRAINED YOU TO DO. By Doing so, Stop claiming knowledge you do not possess;
"veritas vos liberabit"
and the truth will set you free.
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