in a hundred years, who will remember who i am?
tis a shame that no one will.
though i spend a lot of time thinking about it;
what are the real odds that i am remembered?
i honestly don't know, but in a strange way it drives me to do great things...in a strange way it shows me how i am destined to be remembered; the fact that i refuse to accept the impossible and take on inevitability as a jest shows that i dare not be trifled with. Some people spend there whole life thinking about doing something great, and often never achieve anything close. But through time and words and faith and hardship and maybe just a little bit of luck, I know i am destined for greatness. this is something i wrote a while back, and i just re-read it, and was like wow; did i really write this? take a look. its how i feel about myself and certain things in my life.
Nehemiah Bolton.
in a world where so many things are warped and the lies and truths are one in the same, who can you believe in? yourself above all, and above all, believe in yourself. so many things i can say about myself even would be but half truths and relative only to what i think and others believe; for you to experience me is but a journey all on its own. just like with anything,the journey is different for everyone. just like school, love, even life; nehemiah bolton is but a plane of existence one must tread on their own. i am all that i say i am, and i am all that you have heard; nay, yet i am so much more. from the words that i speak to the actions i commit, i can change lives, i can change worlds; i can change your world. broadening the aspects of human thought and understanding, i am so much more than a simple sum of adjectives and nouns, much more than an anthology of past experiences or even the consequences of my own decisions. just as you, i am a person; but just as you, or maybe not, i am destined for greatness. as i talk in similes and complex metaphor, i assure you, i talk and i dream of something more....
i think i am destined for greatness.
i know i am destined for greatness.
i am great.
i am nehemiah bolton.
"Lege et lacrima"
read it and weep.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Ab Hinc; Ad Idem
Ha ha,
sometimes you would swear that i could major in latin.
anyways, if you do read you know i haven't written in a while....
its for a reason. i decided that writting everyday isn't what I set out to do; though it is what id like to do, as in write something profound day after day after day; its not going to happen. So I will only be writting you when i have something good to say. something that means something to me; something that i want to write down for myself and never forget. I forgot how much i hated seeing things by people who wrote everyday, but all in all said nothing of worth. So though I may not write everyday, I am always here; always thinking of things. Ocasionally, you will hear about my thoughts.
like today
recently i thought about how my life is at a healthy median in which work and play is devied out in a fashion that i am extremely happy with. In my life, I am always content; and 95% of the time i am happy; but this past week it has been to such extremities that i wonder what has changed about my life. Its true, i've been a little slack with my classes, but that will happen every now and then and i will straighten up after break; but despite the upcoming stress and the business of thinking about my plans for next year I am oh so happy with my life and who I am. I wish that every week in my life would be like this. With college, this could be simple; besides exam weeks and finals weeks i can make all of them similar to this. But again, life scares me. what if i dont have those weeks that make me feel this way after I graduate? This week made me feel like everything i was doing was for a reason, multiple things that just proved that i am me and i am here for a reason. what if graduation and graduate life and work and et cetera aren't like that? I hope that everything i do in life makes me happy, no matter whether it be work or anything else. I hope that I have a family that loves me just as i love them, children who aspire to be better than i ever thought of being. i hope that my job is FUN, yes fun, the work being worth it with all the fun i have. I hope that with my job i can support my family, and even though my wife is more than welcome to work, I hope that if she wants to be a stay at home mom my job will support it. I no longer want to be rich. I still do want that dream house, and that turns heads in more ways than one, but i am sure that i can get those things with a five digit salary instead of a six. Continuing, I want to keep the people I have in my life around for as long as I can. I know, bff is overused and played out. but at this time in my life, im not looking for friends, im looking for life companions and future people i can go to if i ever needed anything. acquaintances are cool and all; they add to the bodies at parties and such. but remember that who i am is not about who and how many people are at my parties, its about who is there for me when i struggle, because those people are apart of me. I never forget that time in my life when all i had was myself; my friends were literally non existant, and my family was so distant that all i could rely on was myself. that is why i feel that i deserve better; through hard work and dedication to the philosophy of care for others more than self, I know what i want in life. happiness for myself, and above that; for the people in my life and those i come in contact with daily. to see a smile on someone's face is worth all that "in one ear and out the other" stuff i see in so many people's lives i come in contact with. Sure, everyone wants to be happy in life. but they want it in the wrong ways; usually money or fast cars or fast women(or men, but you get the picture). these things are like drugs, you experience it, you like it, you go without it, you crash, you want more, you develop a tolerance, you want even more.....just like with drugs, eventually its a dead end in all cases (see "facilius per...", JAN2008) long story short; (for the people who won't click the link) the women(as well as yourself) get slower and uglier with age, the car gets a newer model and had to be tossed away(and eventually you realize your arthritis cant bear speeds over 60mph), and money isn't much good when you are in an assisted living home. In the end, if you pursued those things, what do you have? NOTHING. and i will not have nothing, i will have everything. I will have friends and a wife to sit by and play bingo and listen to vintage colbie caillat and some og rap by ludacris (note this will be like....2068), and kids who will be doctors or models or athletes....or all of the above. Then my investments will all be worth it; my investments of time and care and love rather than other things.
But will I have that? I am afraid. I know how to get it. But will I keep on the path to obtain it?
from here on, your heart will here my heart;
"from here on, we are of the same mind...."
sometimes you would swear that i could major in latin.
anyways, if you do read you know i haven't written in a while....
its for a reason. i decided that writting everyday isn't what I set out to do; though it is what id like to do, as in write something profound day after day after day; its not going to happen. So I will only be writting you when i have something good to say. something that means something to me; something that i want to write down for myself and never forget. I forgot how much i hated seeing things by people who wrote everyday, but all in all said nothing of worth. So though I may not write everyday, I am always here; always thinking of things. Ocasionally, you will hear about my thoughts.
like today
recently i thought about how my life is at a healthy median in which work and play is devied out in a fashion that i am extremely happy with. In my life, I am always content; and 95% of the time i am happy; but this past week it has been to such extremities that i wonder what has changed about my life. Its true, i've been a little slack with my classes, but that will happen every now and then and i will straighten up after break; but despite the upcoming stress and the business of thinking about my plans for next year I am oh so happy with my life and who I am. I wish that every week in my life would be like this. With college, this could be simple; besides exam weeks and finals weeks i can make all of them similar to this. But again, life scares me. what if i dont have those weeks that make me feel this way after I graduate? This week made me feel like everything i was doing was for a reason, multiple things that just proved that i am me and i am here for a reason. what if graduation and graduate life and work and et cetera aren't like that? I hope that everything i do in life makes me happy, no matter whether it be work or anything else. I hope that I have a family that loves me just as i love them, children who aspire to be better than i ever thought of being. i hope that my job is FUN, yes fun, the work being worth it with all the fun i have. I hope that with my job i can support my family, and even though my wife is more than welcome to work, I hope that if she wants to be a stay at home mom my job will support it. I no longer want to be rich. I still do want that dream house, and that turns heads in more ways than one, but i am sure that i can get those things with a five digit salary instead of a six. Continuing, I want to keep the people I have in my life around for as long as I can. I know, bff is overused and played out. but at this time in my life, im not looking for friends, im looking for life companions and future people i can go to if i ever needed anything. acquaintances are cool and all; they add to the bodies at parties and such. but remember that who i am is not about who and how many people are at my parties, its about who is there for me when i struggle, because those people are apart of me. I never forget that time in my life when all i had was myself; my friends were literally non existant, and my family was so distant that all i could rely on was myself. that is why i feel that i deserve better; through hard work and dedication to the philosophy of care for others more than self, I know what i want in life. happiness for myself, and above that; for the people in my life and those i come in contact with daily. to see a smile on someone's face is worth all that "in one ear and out the other" stuff i see in so many people's lives i come in contact with. Sure, everyone wants to be happy in life. but they want it in the wrong ways; usually money or fast cars or fast women(or men, but you get the picture). these things are like drugs, you experience it, you like it, you go without it, you crash, you want more, you develop a tolerance, you want even more.....just like with drugs, eventually its a dead end in all cases (see "facilius per...", JAN2008) long story short; (for the people who won't click the link) the women(as well as yourself) get slower and uglier with age, the car gets a newer model and had to be tossed away(and eventually you realize your arthritis cant bear speeds over 60mph), and money isn't much good when you are in an assisted living home. In the end, if you pursued those things, what do you have? NOTHING. and i will not have nothing, i will have everything. I will have friends and a wife to sit by and play bingo and listen to vintage colbie caillat and some og rap by ludacris (note this will be like....2068), and kids who will be doctors or models or athletes....or all of the above. Then my investments will all be worth it; my investments of time and care and love rather than other things.
But will I have that? I am afraid. I know how to get it. But will I keep on the path to obtain it?
from here on, your heart will here my heart;
"from here on, we are of the same mind...."
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