One of my dearest friends once said something that could ultimately make or break your life. "You either stand for something or you fall for nothing." One thing I hate in this world is a fool. Not fool, as merriam webster would define it; but the fools, or foolery to be more exact, that abound in our world today. Who's to blame. Blame society, blame television, blame your parents, take the easy way out and blame dishonorable George W Bush even, just remember as you are howling "heretic" and pointing fingures how foolish you look for not taking responsibility for yourself. You yourself, for being part in such things. Myself included, I am not void of niavity every now and again. There are so many things that can be accomplished by speaking of things in which you have no knowledge about. About people, about society, about democracy, about yourself. All in the order of that which I feel is the most foolish. Take this for example. You have one of your associates and they say something about someone you know along the lines of "Oh, he does (insert behavior A) because his (insert cause 1 for behavior A) and (insert cause 2 for behavior A). It's so sad knowing that he (insert behavior B) because of (insert outlandish cause for behavior B). Absolutely outrageous. How do you know the purpose of something someone says, does, are the causes of their actions if ultimately you are not them? How can you say that you understand why this is happening in the world if you have no idea what goes on inside your own home even? How can you know the solution to someone else's issue when you have millions of issues of your own that you can't solve not one of them? RIDICULOUS. Even if you got this info from the person you are speaking of, I am sure that that person disclosed to you this info because they opened up and trusted you, and you gave up that trust by doing such a thing. Why ruin a bond you have with someone who generally cares for you enough that they would tell you what causes them dismay; and/or why lie and spread rumors about them just to make yourself look better. Like I said, ultimately only that person knows why they are the way they are; and sometimes even you don't know yourself. It is a sad thing to see people who are grown and educated and sophisticated revert back to "those high school days" in which everyone would try to get a head up on anyone else by any means possible. I feel its safe to say that these people revert to these ways for a reason, as I think that these type of people will stay fools for the entirety of their lives. Why fall for the world that is cold and hard and will chew you up and use you until you are spent and helpless and spit you out like used gum? LIVE YOUR LIFE, don't tread and worry about someone else's. Talking about others, wondering if others are talking about you, talking to others asking who is saying what about you when in reality when you leave, it is safe to say that they are. Fall for this system that has done nothing for you or stand for yourself and make yourself be known as a person oh higher integrity and greater character.
"aliquid stat pro aliquo"
"either stand for something"
or fall gracelessly from nothing.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
veritas vos liberabit
I know I haven't written in a while, it's been a crazy year so far. However, no excuses; let's get down to business.and thanks for the little extra push ;)
In the light of father's day, I came to realize something, nothing extraordinary mind you, but it has always been a hastle in my life. I have always been one to say that you look more like a fool when you claim to know something you have little or no understanding of, moreso than a fool I\d say. Claiming such knowledge that you do not possess is not only a generally ludicrious act, but discredits you as a human being of respect and integrity. What in the name of your higher power (as Oprah would say) does this have to do with father\s day you ask? A lot of things. Lets also say that this is a precursor to the next series of writings to which I am in the process of writting now, generally about the same broad perspective. Now, what I've been poking at comes out into the open. Every father's day, me, always being bored out of my mind on sundays, thinks of calling a few friends and wanting to hang out. It being father's day, they are with their families and generally wanting to know why I am not doing the same. As usual, I tell them that I have never had an actual father figure, he left when I was young. Mind you, I have never ever felt sad about this; he never did anything for us (me and my mom), so i've always been the man. They get into sympathy mode and say something along the lines of "Aw, thats sad. I know how you feel...
....
...
No, you don't.Not being rude or anything, but you know this has happened to you as well. Myself, in this case, asks this person; how do you know how i feel if your parents are alive and kicking? Not even the half of it. Forget the nights I spent hungry so i could get to school, the days I had to sleep in a hot room b/c the air conditioning is broken, the times I was afraid to go to the hospital because I know we didn't have any insurance nor money to pay for services. Forget that, I am setting up a sob story; but the exact opposite. I am not even complaining, I personally don't care all that much. but think about yourself; and no matter what you do have and are going through, their are people with a lot less going through a lot more. Don't tell that drug addict coming off four years of a cocaine addiction that you know how they feel if you don't even sip wine at the communion at church. Don't tell the person who's lost a parent that you know what they are going through if your mom and dad are in their late 30s and your grandparents do roller derby on the weekends. Quite simply, you don't; you just don't. Offer your care, offer anything but do not say you understand something you are totally oblivious of. You may ask; how are those two things different? Simple; one is fake and a lie, the other is 100% geniune and sincere. People have forgotten the value and how it changes the gravity to a situation when a hug is offered, a shoulder is presented in which to allow leaning. Then again, nothing says I feel for you, I hurt with you than a tear shed with a friend. STOP DOING WHAT SOCIETY HAS TRAINED YOU TO DO. By Doing so, Stop claiming knowledge you do not possess;
"veritas vos liberabit"
and the truth will set you free.
In the light of father's day, I came to realize something, nothing extraordinary mind you, but it has always been a hastle in my life. I have always been one to say that you look more like a fool when you claim to know something you have little or no understanding of, moreso than a fool I\d say. Claiming such knowledge that you do not possess is not only a generally ludicrious act, but discredits you as a human being of respect and integrity. What in the name of your higher power (as Oprah would say) does this have to do with father\s day you ask? A lot of things. Lets also say that this is a precursor to the next series of writings to which I am in the process of writting now, generally about the same broad perspective. Now, what I've been poking at comes out into the open. Every father's day, me, always being bored out of my mind on sundays, thinks of calling a few friends and wanting to hang out. It being father's day, they are with their families and generally wanting to know why I am not doing the same. As usual, I tell them that I have never had an actual father figure, he left when I was young. Mind you, I have never ever felt sad about this; he never did anything for us (me and my mom), so i've always been the man. They get into sympathy mode and say something along the lines of "Aw, thats sad. I know how you feel...
....
...
No, you don't.Not being rude or anything, but you know this has happened to you as well. Myself, in this case, asks this person; how do you know how i feel if your parents are alive and kicking? Not even the half of it. Forget the nights I spent hungry so i could get to school, the days I had to sleep in a hot room b/c the air conditioning is broken, the times I was afraid to go to the hospital because I know we didn't have any insurance nor money to pay for services. Forget that, I am setting up a sob story; but the exact opposite. I am not even complaining, I personally don't care all that much. but think about yourself; and no matter what you do have and are going through, their are people with a lot less going through a lot more. Don't tell that drug addict coming off four years of a cocaine addiction that you know how they feel if you don't even sip wine at the communion at church. Don't tell the person who's lost a parent that you know what they are going through if your mom and dad are in their late 30s and your grandparents do roller derby on the weekends. Quite simply, you don't; you just don't. Offer your care, offer anything but do not say you understand something you are totally oblivious of. You may ask; how are those two things different? Simple; one is fake and a lie, the other is 100% geniune and sincere. People have forgotten the value and how it changes the gravity to a situation when a hug is offered, a shoulder is presented in which to allow leaning. Then again, nothing says I feel for you, I hurt with you than a tear shed with a friend. STOP DOING WHAT SOCIETY HAS TRAINED YOU TO DO. By Doing so, Stop claiming knowledge you do not possess;
"veritas vos liberabit"
and the truth will set you free.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Lege et lacrima
in a hundred years, who will remember who i am?
tis a shame that no one will.
though i spend a lot of time thinking about it;
what are the real odds that i am remembered?
i honestly don't know, but in a strange way it drives me to do great things...in a strange way it shows me how i am destined to be remembered; the fact that i refuse to accept the impossible and take on inevitability as a jest shows that i dare not be trifled with. Some people spend there whole life thinking about doing something great, and often never achieve anything close. But through time and words and faith and hardship and maybe just a little bit of luck, I know i am destined for greatness. this is something i wrote a while back, and i just re-read it, and was like wow; did i really write this? take a look. its how i feel about myself and certain things in my life.
Nehemiah Bolton.
in a world where so many things are warped and the lies and truths are one in the same, who can you believe in? yourself above all, and above all, believe in yourself. so many things i can say about myself even would be but half truths and relative only to what i think and others believe; for you to experience me is but a journey all on its own. just like with anything,the journey is different for everyone. just like school, love, even life; nehemiah bolton is but a plane of existence one must tread on their own. i am all that i say i am, and i am all that you have heard; nay, yet i am so much more. from the words that i speak to the actions i commit, i can change lives, i can change worlds; i can change your world. broadening the aspects of human thought and understanding, i am so much more than a simple sum of adjectives and nouns, much more than an anthology of past experiences or even the consequences of my own decisions. just as you, i am a person; but just as you, or maybe not, i am destined for greatness. as i talk in similes and complex metaphor, i assure you, i talk and i dream of something more....
i think i am destined for greatness.
i know i am destined for greatness.
i am great.
i am nehemiah bolton.
"Lege et lacrima"
read it and weep.
tis a shame that no one will.
though i spend a lot of time thinking about it;
what are the real odds that i am remembered?
i honestly don't know, but in a strange way it drives me to do great things...in a strange way it shows me how i am destined to be remembered; the fact that i refuse to accept the impossible and take on inevitability as a jest shows that i dare not be trifled with. Some people spend there whole life thinking about doing something great, and often never achieve anything close. But through time and words and faith and hardship and maybe just a little bit of luck, I know i am destined for greatness. this is something i wrote a while back, and i just re-read it, and was like wow; did i really write this? take a look. its how i feel about myself and certain things in my life.
Nehemiah Bolton.
in a world where so many things are warped and the lies and truths are one in the same, who can you believe in? yourself above all, and above all, believe in yourself. so many things i can say about myself even would be but half truths and relative only to what i think and others believe; for you to experience me is but a journey all on its own. just like with anything,the journey is different for everyone. just like school, love, even life; nehemiah bolton is but a plane of existence one must tread on their own. i am all that i say i am, and i am all that you have heard; nay, yet i am so much more. from the words that i speak to the actions i commit, i can change lives, i can change worlds; i can change your world. broadening the aspects of human thought and understanding, i am so much more than a simple sum of adjectives and nouns, much more than an anthology of past experiences or even the consequences of my own decisions. just as you, i am a person; but just as you, or maybe not, i am destined for greatness. as i talk in similes and complex metaphor, i assure you, i talk and i dream of something more....
i think i am destined for greatness.
i know i am destined for greatness.
i am great.
i am nehemiah bolton.
"Lege et lacrima"
read it and weep.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Ab Hinc; Ad Idem
Ha ha,
sometimes you would swear that i could major in latin.
anyways, if you do read you know i haven't written in a while....
its for a reason. i decided that writting everyday isn't what I set out to do; though it is what id like to do, as in write something profound day after day after day; its not going to happen. So I will only be writting you when i have something good to say. something that means something to me; something that i want to write down for myself and never forget. I forgot how much i hated seeing things by people who wrote everyday, but all in all said nothing of worth. So though I may not write everyday, I am always here; always thinking of things. Ocasionally, you will hear about my thoughts.
like today
recently i thought about how my life is at a healthy median in which work and play is devied out in a fashion that i am extremely happy with. In my life, I am always content; and 95% of the time i am happy; but this past week it has been to such extremities that i wonder what has changed about my life. Its true, i've been a little slack with my classes, but that will happen every now and then and i will straighten up after break; but despite the upcoming stress and the business of thinking about my plans for next year I am oh so happy with my life and who I am. I wish that every week in my life would be like this. With college, this could be simple; besides exam weeks and finals weeks i can make all of them similar to this. But again, life scares me. what if i dont have those weeks that make me feel this way after I graduate? This week made me feel like everything i was doing was for a reason, multiple things that just proved that i am me and i am here for a reason. what if graduation and graduate life and work and et cetera aren't like that? I hope that everything i do in life makes me happy, no matter whether it be work or anything else. I hope that I have a family that loves me just as i love them, children who aspire to be better than i ever thought of being. i hope that my job is FUN, yes fun, the work being worth it with all the fun i have. I hope that with my job i can support my family, and even though my wife is more than welcome to work, I hope that if she wants to be a stay at home mom my job will support it. I no longer want to be rich. I still do want that dream house, and that turns heads in more ways than one, but i am sure that i can get those things with a five digit salary instead of a six. Continuing, I want to keep the people I have in my life around for as long as I can. I know, bff is overused and played out. but at this time in my life, im not looking for friends, im looking for life companions and future people i can go to if i ever needed anything. acquaintances are cool and all; they add to the bodies at parties and such. but remember that who i am is not about who and how many people are at my parties, its about who is there for me when i struggle, because those people are apart of me. I never forget that time in my life when all i had was myself; my friends were literally non existant, and my family was so distant that all i could rely on was myself. that is why i feel that i deserve better; through hard work and dedication to the philosophy of care for others more than self, I know what i want in life. happiness for myself, and above that; for the people in my life and those i come in contact with daily. to see a smile on someone's face is worth all that "in one ear and out the other" stuff i see in so many people's lives i come in contact with. Sure, everyone wants to be happy in life. but they want it in the wrong ways; usually money or fast cars or fast women(or men, but you get the picture). these things are like drugs, you experience it, you like it, you go without it, you crash, you want more, you develop a tolerance, you want even more.....just like with drugs, eventually its a dead end in all cases (see "facilius per...", JAN2008) long story short; (for the people who won't click the link) the women(as well as yourself) get slower and uglier with age, the car gets a newer model and had to be tossed away(and eventually you realize your arthritis cant bear speeds over 60mph), and money isn't much good when you are in an assisted living home. In the end, if you pursued those things, what do you have? NOTHING. and i will not have nothing, i will have everything. I will have friends and a wife to sit by and play bingo and listen to vintage colbie caillat and some og rap by ludacris (note this will be like....2068), and kids who will be doctors or models or athletes....or all of the above. Then my investments will all be worth it; my investments of time and care and love rather than other things.
But will I have that? I am afraid. I know how to get it. But will I keep on the path to obtain it?
from here on, your heart will here my heart;
"from here on, we are of the same mind...."
sometimes you would swear that i could major in latin.
anyways, if you do read you know i haven't written in a while....
its for a reason. i decided that writting everyday isn't what I set out to do; though it is what id like to do, as in write something profound day after day after day; its not going to happen. So I will only be writting you when i have something good to say. something that means something to me; something that i want to write down for myself and never forget. I forgot how much i hated seeing things by people who wrote everyday, but all in all said nothing of worth. So though I may not write everyday, I am always here; always thinking of things. Ocasionally, you will hear about my thoughts.
like today
recently i thought about how my life is at a healthy median in which work and play is devied out in a fashion that i am extremely happy with. In my life, I am always content; and 95% of the time i am happy; but this past week it has been to such extremities that i wonder what has changed about my life. Its true, i've been a little slack with my classes, but that will happen every now and then and i will straighten up after break; but despite the upcoming stress and the business of thinking about my plans for next year I am oh so happy with my life and who I am. I wish that every week in my life would be like this. With college, this could be simple; besides exam weeks and finals weeks i can make all of them similar to this. But again, life scares me. what if i dont have those weeks that make me feel this way after I graduate? This week made me feel like everything i was doing was for a reason, multiple things that just proved that i am me and i am here for a reason. what if graduation and graduate life and work and et cetera aren't like that? I hope that everything i do in life makes me happy, no matter whether it be work or anything else. I hope that I have a family that loves me just as i love them, children who aspire to be better than i ever thought of being. i hope that my job is FUN, yes fun, the work being worth it with all the fun i have. I hope that with my job i can support my family, and even though my wife is more than welcome to work, I hope that if she wants to be a stay at home mom my job will support it. I no longer want to be rich. I still do want that dream house, and that turns heads in more ways than one, but i am sure that i can get those things with a five digit salary instead of a six. Continuing, I want to keep the people I have in my life around for as long as I can. I know, bff is overused and played out. but at this time in my life, im not looking for friends, im looking for life companions and future people i can go to if i ever needed anything. acquaintances are cool and all; they add to the bodies at parties and such. but remember that who i am is not about who and how many people are at my parties, its about who is there for me when i struggle, because those people are apart of me. I never forget that time in my life when all i had was myself; my friends were literally non existant, and my family was so distant that all i could rely on was myself. that is why i feel that i deserve better; through hard work and dedication to the philosophy of care for others more than self, I know what i want in life. happiness for myself, and above that; for the people in my life and those i come in contact with daily. to see a smile on someone's face is worth all that "in one ear and out the other" stuff i see in so many people's lives i come in contact with. Sure, everyone wants to be happy in life. but they want it in the wrong ways; usually money or fast cars or fast women(or men, but you get the picture). these things are like drugs, you experience it, you like it, you go without it, you crash, you want more, you develop a tolerance, you want even more.....just like with drugs, eventually its a dead end in all cases (see "facilius per...", JAN2008) long story short; (for the people who won't click the link) the women(as well as yourself) get slower and uglier with age, the car gets a newer model and had to be tossed away(and eventually you realize your arthritis cant bear speeds over 60mph), and money isn't much good when you are in an assisted living home. In the end, if you pursued those things, what do you have? NOTHING. and i will not have nothing, i will have everything. I will have friends and a wife to sit by and play bingo and listen to vintage colbie caillat and some og rap by ludacris (note this will be like....2068), and kids who will be doctors or models or athletes....or all of the above. Then my investments will all be worth it; my investments of time and care and love rather than other things.
But will I have that? I am afraid. I know how to get it. But will I keep on the path to obtain it?
from here on, your heart will here my heart;
"from here on, we are of the same mind...."
Thursday, February 7, 2008
A Contrario
One of my favorite classes last semester was philosophy, not only because it was at 125 everyday, but it is by far the most entertaining and insightful class i have ever taken......so far. anywho, this is something that I wrote about one of my favorite philosophers, Socrates, because it makes a strong claim for this thing called "innate knowledge; a philosophical claim that the mind is not a clean slate like john locke claims, but in actuallity is the continuation of knowledge gained in past lives. Though i do not believe in a past life so to speak, I do believe in the his claim. That being said, Socrates believed that through recollection, we already have all the knowledge we need, and clearly makes a strong claim for it in his conversation with Meno. So....
In “Meno,” Plato is having a conversation with Meno, a man he meets that is visiting Athens. Meno, knowing of Plato’s wisdom and intellect, asks Plato a few questions on virtue; on whether it is taught or we acquire it in some other fashion. Plato begins by saying that he is completely ignorant of any virtues(71b), and this frustrates Meno even more since his question has yet to be answered. After a rebuttal by Meno who tries to define what virtue is, Socrates then explains that one cannot know the qualities of any one thing without knowing it’s true form(71b). Meno becomes even more frustrated and claims that one cannot find something, I.e. this virtue, if he does not know what he is looking for(80d). Socrates then makes his main philosophical claim of the section, that knowledge is not acquired by us in this life, but is passed down through an immortal soul and that all we have to do as human beings is recollect this knowledge.
Socrates believed that the soul is immortal, and that through it’s past lives it has seen anything and everything that is part of this world and the next(81c). Therefore, we never learn anything, we just recollect the knowledge that our soul already posses. This knowledge, this innate knowledge; is where we acquire the knowledge of virtue and good that we seek in the world. Socrates then to fortify his claim, uses one of Meno’s slaves to defend his claim. He calls forth one of Meno’s slaves and gives him a simple geometry problem. Eventually with Socrates encouragement, The boy arrives at the correct answers with little help(85a-d). Slaves then were often uneducated and knew little about the math and the arts, yet Socrates uses a slave boy to prove to Meno that knowledge and wisdom are recalled rather than learned.
Even in our own lives, Socrates shows us that we recollect knowledge more often than we are taught. With children, ethics are often recalled rather than instilled in them at a young age. A child does not learn how to lie, yet knows how to as well as knows it is wrong. The knowledge of good and evil is also demonstrated as innate, with something as simple as being afraid of the dark, a precursor for many things that involve wrongdoing. Certain fears demonstrate innate knowledge, such as a fear of heights or a fear of tight spaces, as they are hazardous and provide potential for injury. Once one arrives at the age that they can think more logically, this idea becomes even more prevalent. When you see something in the world, a certain event, you know it has a cause; though you do not understand why you understand that it does despite having no knowledge of the event. When you think even deeper, wondering about things like “Who am I, where did I come from;” you will also understand that you were created by someone or something in the beginning, though you have virtually no knowledge of any certain omniscient figure.
Through looking at Socrates’ example with the slave boy as well as examining our own lives, we can see clear examples of knowledge being recollected rather than taught. As he describes to Meno the philosophical concept of knowledge recalled rather than learned, you can’t help but to think of all the things in one’s own life that this concept applies: ethics, fear, knowledge of a greater being, et cetera. Meno in the end cannot grasp the fact that we can learn something we have no idea exists, so Socrates makes the claim that is true to all philosophers; “We all will be better men who search for things he does not know, rather than he who doesn’t search for the things he has no hope in finding(86c).” As we are all beings containing this immortal soul, according to Socrates, we are all able to acquire knowledge of anything, as long as we have a soul we are able to recall such knowledge; the concept of an innate knowledge.
"from a contrary opinion"
In “Meno,” Plato is having a conversation with Meno, a man he meets that is visiting Athens. Meno, knowing of Plato’s wisdom and intellect, asks Plato a few questions on virtue; on whether it is taught or we acquire it in some other fashion. Plato begins by saying that he is completely ignorant of any virtues(71b), and this frustrates Meno even more since his question has yet to be answered. After a rebuttal by Meno who tries to define what virtue is, Socrates then explains that one cannot know the qualities of any one thing without knowing it’s true form(71b). Meno becomes even more frustrated and claims that one cannot find something, I.e. this virtue, if he does not know what he is looking for(80d). Socrates then makes his main philosophical claim of the section, that knowledge is not acquired by us in this life, but is passed down through an immortal soul and that all we have to do as human beings is recollect this knowledge.
Socrates believed that the soul is immortal, and that through it’s past lives it has seen anything and everything that is part of this world and the next(81c). Therefore, we never learn anything, we just recollect the knowledge that our soul already posses. This knowledge, this innate knowledge; is where we acquire the knowledge of virtue and good that we seek in the world. Socrates then to fortify his claim, uses one of Meno’s slaves to defend his claim. He calls forth one of Meno’s slaves and gives him a simple geometry problem. Eventually with Socrates encouragement, The boy arrives at the correct answers with little help(85a-d). Slaves then were often uneducated and knew little about the math and the arts, yet Socrates uses a slave boy to prove to Meno that knowledge and wisdom are recalled rather than learned.
Even in our own lives, Socrates shows us that we recollect knowledge more often than we are taught. With children, ethics are often recalled rather than instilled in them at a young age. A child does not learn how to lie, yet knows how to as well as knows it is wrong. The knowledge of good and evil is also demonstrated as innate, with something as simple as being afraid of the dark, a precursor for many things that involve wrongdoing. Certain fears demonstrate innate knowledge, such as a fear of heights or a fear of tight spaces, as they are hazardous and provide potential for injury. Once one arrives at the age that they can think more logically, this idea becomes even more prevalent. When you see something in the world, a certain event, you know it has a cause; though you do not understand why you understand that it does despite having no knowledge of the event. When you think even deeper, wondering about things like “Who am I, where did I come from;” you will also understand that you were created by someone or something in the beginning, though you have virtually no knowledge of any certain omniscient figure.
Through looking at Socrates’ example with the slave boy as well as examining our own lives, we can see clear examples of knowledge being recollected rather than taught. As he describes to Meno the philosophical concept of knowledge recalled rather than learned, you can’t help but to think of all the things in one’s own life that this concept applies: ethics, fear, knowledge of a greater being, et cetera. Meno in the end cannot grasp the fact that we can learn something we have no idea exists, so Socrates makes the claim that is true to all philosophers; “We all will be better men who search for things he does not know, rather than he who doesn’t search for the things he has no hope in finding(86c).” As we are all beings containing this immortal soul, according to Socrates, we are all able to acquire knowledge of anything, as long as we have a soul we are able to recall such knowledge; the concept of an innate knowledge.
"from a contrary opinion"
A fortiori
haha, its only been a week; but i am already bad at this. so i've been really busy, i hope it isn't going to be like this for long, cause i enjoy writing little notes to myself for future reference. anywho, im not going to write you any excuses on why i haven't written in a while. It was David Hume that said "Be a philosopher, yet be still a man;" so i will act accordingly. I haven't forgotten about this, nor will this be the last time that there is a lapse. to live life means to have days full and eventful, and somedays there isn't enough time to write to you. so since it is almost 3 in the morning, i'll leave you with something i decided to write on....(I gave myself a fifteen minute time limit....call it a freewrite with edit.....as long as it fits....)
Memoires
Memories;
That's all i have to go by these days,
As i sit,
Sit and listen through the pouring rain,
For your soft voice,
Hope for your gentle touch;
All i can do is remember.
The days when we were together,
Those feelings i thought were infinite,
Than taken away with such haste.
People ask me do I forget you,
Since you've been away more than a spell now.
Forget?
Because even after all these years,
After many day and countless nights,
After the leaves fall,
And the flowers bloom seven times over,
It is still all I think about.
You.
You.
Always said you would love me always and forever,
And you did.
But we couldn't always be together.
Cause neither you nor i could last forever.
So I sit.
And wait.
If my tears were my stairway,
and my memories a lane,
I'd walk through those gates,
To be with the only one I ever loved;
You.
One day i'll see you again;
Until then,
its nothing more.......
Memories.
"with yet stronger reason"
Memoires
Memories;
That's all i have to go by these days,
As i sit,
Sit and listen through the pouring rain,
For your soft voice,
Hope for your gentle touch;
All i can do is remember.
The days when we were together,
Those feelings i thought were infinite,
Than taken away with such haste.
People ask me do I forget you,
Since you've been away more than a spell now.
Forget?
Because even after all these years,
After many day and countless nights,
After the leaves fall,
And the flowers bloom seven times over,
It is still all I think about.
You.
You.
Always said you would love me always and forever,
And you did.
But we couldn't always be together.
Cause neither you nor i could last forever.
So I sit.
And wait.
If my tears were my stairway,
and my memories a lane,
I'd walk through those gates,
To be with the only one I ever loved;
You.
One day i'll see you again;
Until then,
its nothing more.......
Memories.
"with yet stronger reason"
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Vincit omnia amor
To chain this to the former,
I know in all reality that all I want to be is loved in life.
but at times a friend or a parent can't be there for you;
you need a different kind of love.
Sometimes I feel like I will never find that special someone, at times it feels like I cant even make something last longer than a month or two. It is not that I do anything wrong, I get the too nice or the not like it used to be excuse a lot. I've had my heart broken so many times that i get extra cautious when thinking about relationships, so cautious that I really dont give a girl a chance because of what happened in the past. I was always the one that said i would wait for that special someone, but having your heart broken changes your views on love and you do things that you look back on and regret; because it wasn't even about the person, it was about the feeling of acceptance. I at times feel like I have ruined love in general for myself with the way I have run my life; and I hope I can find someone that will take me for me and loves me. Where is she? Where is that girl that is my equal in every aspect of my life, in every sense of the word? There is no quick fix to my problems, and in all reality I will always have problems. But when a friend cant be there to let me cry on their shoulder, and my parents wont always be there for me to console with. Who will be there for me forever? Who is this love with whom I shall conquer all things?
"Love conquers all"
I know in all reality that all I want to be is loved in life.
but at times a friend or a parent can't be there for you;
you need a different kind of love.
Sometimes I feel like I will never find that special someone, at times it feels like I cant even make something last longer than a month or two. It is not that I do anything wrong, I get the too nice or the not like it used to be excuse a lot. I've had my heart broken so many times that i get extra cautious when thinking about relationships, so cautious that I really dont give a girl a chance because of what happened in the past. I was always the one that said i would wait for that special someone, but having your heart broken changes your views on love and you do things that you look back on and regret; because it wasn't even about the person, it was about the feeling of acceptance. I at times feel like I have ruined love in general for myself with the way I have run my life; and I hope I can find someone that will take me for me and loves me. Where is she? Where is that girl that is my equal in every aspect of my life, in every sense of the word? There is no quick fix to my problems, and in all reality I will always have problems. But when a friend cant be there to let me cry on their shoulder, and my parents wont always be there for me to console with. Who will be there for me forever? Who is this love with whom I shall conquer all things?
"Love conquers all"
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Nvnc avt nvnqvam
Throughout life, people dream. Some people dream bigger than others, some people are content with just getting by. What about the people with the biggest dreams? Dreaming to do something so profound that it can't even be comprehended until the next life? In spite of all this, it is truly hard to find something one can do that is able to shape history books around himself. So, what is one left to do? Some say that I should just live my life. The problem with that is, that i see my life as it falls into place just as people who understand life do. At times my friends think i am crazy when i bring things like this up. But in all reality, it happens to all of us. What am i speaking of?
I am speaking about how no matter what i do i dont think ill ever be happy. about how this is it for me. college is indeed my last hurrah, the last of life's uncertainties and all that i have left to be thrown through a loop with. after that i know my future dear. and it scares me that i do. i know that ill go to school, get my bachelors in experimental psych and get a masters in secondary edu, become a teacher that everyone loves and live in an apartment until i can pay off all my loans and my car i plan to congratulate myself with when i do get a job. pay off all of that, start dating seriously, find the women with value that is beautiful and smart and play hard to get even though i am so into her that its unbearable so that i know that she is the one for me. marry her, have two kids hopefully a boy and a girl and if not both three but definately no more than that. buy us a house that fulfills our needs or hopefully build my dream home if i learn how to save money efficiently. lose a really big part of myself when my mom dies and have you and sandra and my wife console me when this happens, its gonna be rough. believe me. watch my kids grow up and retire when i can get enough social security that i can live of the money i saved and give my kids the life i didnt have. and you know what comes after that. i see it. and its boring. this is really it. i wont do great things, i wont become a professional athlete and be on mtv cribs, i wont have my face on every major tabloid in the country. my life will be boring. just a typical life. and i always wanted to be great. i always wanted things i dont need. but why? why cant i be happy with this life, with the friends i have, with the people i love? when will that time come when i feel i dont need these things? or do i need these things to be happy? has my mind played tricks on me long enough that i feel i need them? am i too fucked up to ever get married and be happy? i dont want to be like 55 or so percent of american citizens who get divorced. i want the best. i feen and i know i deserve it. but for some reaason i dont know or the line between settling and the best are blurry, so blurry that i dont know what i really want anymore. i loved high school because i was on top, but i see now that after i left everything went on without me; to me its sort of like a microchasm of my life. college will be the same way, and after i die, ill only be remembered by the people i am survived by, and in a hundred years i wont be in anyones thoughts. i know ill be dead, but it matters to me now. WHY? i wish that i knew what i really wanted. i wish my heart and my soul and my body and my mind werent at war constantly, one wants one thing and the other wants another, so on and so forth....more when i get back. its dinner time. respond first? idk, i feel like that doesnt even come together as one train of thought.
All of this, and i feel i know the answer. I know that i will be happy; when i find this love i shall cherish it until the end of time. I will enjoy my job, entertaining people and helping them learn at the same time? Sounds too good to be true. I will have my kids, and i will not try to live my dream through them, but instead watch as they dream and help them fulfill such dreams. I know who will be there with me when my mother dies, to console me; and it won't be as hard because of them, and the bond between us will grow stronger because of it. I know that despite knowing the majority of the script that life plays out as, I will be happy. I am Nehemiah Bolton; I live to entertain, I live to make people smile, I live to make a difference. I know that by not worrying about such a thing as shortcomings and selfdoubt that i will indeed be great; fate has decided that for me. So I shall live my life, cause its true; you only have one life to live.
In all reality, its
"Now or Never"
I am speaking about how no matter what i do i dont think ill ever be happy. about how this is it for me. college is indeed my last hurrah, the last of life's uncertainties and all that i have left to be thrown through a loop with. after that i know my future dear. and it scares me that i do. i know that ill go to school, get my bachelors in experimental psych and get a masters in secondary edu, become a teacher that everyone loves and live in an apartment until i can pay off all my loans and my car i plan to congratulate myself with when i do get a job. pay off all of that, start dating seriously, find the women with value that is beautiful and smart and play hard to get even though i am so into her that its unbearable so that i know that she is the one for me. marry her, have two kids hopefully a boy and a girl and if not both three but definately no more than that. buy us a house that fulfills our needs or hopefully build my dream home if i learn how to save money efficiently. lose a really big part of myself when my mom dies and have you and sandra and my wife console me when this happens, its gonna be rough. believe me. watch my kids grow up and retire when i can get enough social security that i can live of the money i saved and give my kids the life i didnt have. and you know what comes after that. i see it. and its boring. this is really it. i wont do great things, i wont become a professional athlete and be on mtv cribs, i wont have my face on every major tabloid in the country. my life will be boring. just a typical life. and i always wanted to be great. i always wanted things i dont need. but why? why cant i be happy with this life, with the friends i have, with the people i love? when will that time come when i feel i dont need these things? or do i need these things to be happy? has my mind played tricks on me long enough that i feel i need them? am i too fucked up to ever get married and be happy? i dont want to be like 55 or so percent of american citizens who get divorced. i want the best. i feen and i know i deserve it. but for some reaason i dont know or the line between settling and the best are blurry, so blurry that i dont know what i really want anymore. i loved high school because i was on top, but i see now that after i left everything went on without me; to me its sort of like a microchasm of my life. college will be the same way, and after i die, ill only be remembered by the people i am survived by, and in a hundred years i wont be in anyones thoughts. i know ill be dead, but it matters to me now. WHY? i wish that i knew what i really wanted. i wish my heart and my soul and my body and my mind werent at war constantly, one wants one thing and the other wants another, so on and so forth....more when i get back. its dinner time. respond first? idk, i feel like that doesnt even come together as one train of thought.
All of this, and i feel i know the answer. I know that i will be happy; when i find this love i shall cherish it until the end of time. I will enjoy my job, entertaining people and helping them learn at the same time? Sounds too good to be true. I will have my kids, and i will not try to live my dream through them, but instead watch as they dream and help them fulfill such dreams. I know who will be there with me when my mother dies, to console me; and it won't be as hard because of them, and the bond between us will grow stronger because of it. I know that despite knowing the majority of the script that life plays out as, I will be happy. I am Nehemiah Bolton; I live to entertain, I live to make people smile, I live to make a difference. I know that by not worrying about such a thing as shortcomings and selfdoubt that i will indeed be great; fate has decided that for me. So I shall live my life, cause its true; you only have one life to live.
In all reality, its
"Now or Never"
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Infinitus est numerus stultorum
Acknowledgement
So there are many people in my life who mean a lot to me; a sad soul does not acknowledge those important to him. but few know me for who i really am, few appreciate me for who I really am. Sure two people will love me no matter what(Mother and God), but besides these few individuals, who appreciates this insight that I give? If you have indeed met me in real life, most of you would not expect such an insightful group of sentences from a simpleton such as myself. not so much a simpleton, but someone who is carefree and lives for today. but without further ado, here are the people who do indeed appreciate me; all inspire me, all believe in my potential to do great things. In no particular order...
You know two people in my life understood who I really was from the beginning, two people in my life who are still there for a reason. Not just there; At times i don't know what i would do without them. They are introduced because there is no way that i can put one before the other (i know, i said in no particular order...after this it won't matter.) because they mean the same to me. There was a time in which i thought something different, but all in all it has always been like this. My life didn't really start until i realized who i was and what i wanted to be about, and these people have helped me grow from that time period into the person i am today, and will be there to help mold me into the figure i will be tomorrow. They are the wings that enable me to fly, and my shoulders to lean on in the hardest of times. they know that I am more than a big lovable black guy with the greatest personality who is so much fun to be around(didn't get that from them, so don't take my word for it), they know that all in all i am an individual with a beautiful mind and a big heart who wants love more than anything and above all things. they know my faults, my weaknesses, my shortcomings; yet still accept me despite all these things. Hopefully we can be friends till the days of sitting in rocking chairs and talking about life; hopefully you will be there for me until we ultimately part ways forever.
HJC SLH
I take pride in helping anyone who needs it, but seldom does anyone appreciate it and learn from what i had to say. Even slimmer is the chance that they "pay it forward" and give back what i have given them. It started off like it did with everyone else; but through time it grew into something more. and over an even greater span, i see this person that i admire so much; someone i feel has more potential than even myself. Everyone claims to be wiser than they are, but only fools claim knowledge that they do not possess. Lest I be a fool, I believe that this person be a greater mind than myself. I wish i could spend more time with her, now and when she was always around. Yes, we would have fun and laugh and such, but I would still have someone to talk to when no one else understands the struggles that we each have. Come back to me one day? And always believe in yourself, because for goodness sakes I do.
MDH
Purity is seldom kept after the age of say....five. And since i don't associate with five year olds(that would be kind of creepy), i don't know many people who are still even an eighth pure. But someone i know, despite being older than I, I feel keeps the child in her heart above all else; and believes in true love and a perfect world even though the world deems it not. I have been through a lot, and my views are tainted and I can never believe in things I cannot trust or prove. I believe that darkness does indeed reign, and fools create this famine of knowledge that is prevalent throughout society. But she believes in the good in the hearts of all people, that it will prevail above all else in the end. I have a hard time believing such things, but if anyone can show me the heart and the purity of the child, she is very well capable. It shows me that there is indeed someone out there in the world to fight for.
BLD
The model woman. A strong woman who knows how to be strong yet understand what it means to hurt and feel pain. My friend who i never gave much credit for because i was always being loud and commandeering to those who gave me attention rather than someone i could truly learn from. I even had a crush on her for a while, she is such a beautiful person. I swear this person inspires me more than any other, yet she doesn't even know it. I don't know if she will ever read this; she probably thinks i am hypocritical for saying one thing and doing another. I truly admire you dear. I constantly stalk you(as creepy as it can't be) loll reading your page and your blog because you always have something extraordinary to say. keep in touch please, as you move on in life. and BTW, i still do.
JC
I don't look up to too many men; athletes often have different morals than myself, my father isn't around, and can't find a president that i believe wholeheartedly in. And not too many people have been through the same things that I have, yet have a positive outlook on the world. I talk to J cause no one is realer. He is about the same things I am; though I wont admit it but a few more times before it happens, I am looking for a strong black woman to marry and have kids that will be greater than what I am. He is about getting an education and rising above the hood that America has put us in. He is about walking on the haters shoulders, he is real. He understands that it is commonplace in America for black men to fail, and he understands that it is up to black men like us to succeed. Breaking molds, building bridges, creating a new society for our children and so on to have equal opportunity to succeed. J mulla knows that I am real, he knows what I am about; and even though he knows I like to have my fun and love to do my thing(WGS), he knows I stay on the real cause that’s all I know. To someone who knows me for me, and someone I hope to stand beside when we graduate in 2011.
"Infinite is the number of fools,"
and the number of friends is few.
So there are many people in my life who mean a lot to me; a sad soul does not acknowledge those important to him. but few know me for who i really am, few appreciate me for who I really am. Sure two people will love me no matter what(Mother and God), but besides these few individuals, who appreciates this insight that I give? If you have indeed met me in real life, most of you would not expect such an insightful group of sentences from a simpleton such as myself. not so much a simpleton, but someone who is carefree and lives for today. but without further ado, here are the people who do indeed appreciate me; all inspire me, all believe in my potential to do great things. In no particular order...
You know two people in my life understood who I really was from the beginning, two people in my life who are still there for a reason. Not just there; At times i don't know what i would do without them. They are introduced because there is no way that i can put one before the other (i know, i said in no particular order...after this it won't matter.) because they mean the same to me. There was a time in which i thought something different, but all in all it has always been like this. My life didn't really start until i realized who i was and what i wanted to be about, and these people have helped me grow from that time period into the person i am today, and will be there to help mold me into the figure i will be tomorrow. They are the wings that enable me to fly, and my shoulders to lean on in the hardest of times. they know that I am more than a big lovable black guy with the greatest personality who is so much fun to be around(didn't get that from them, so don't take my word for it), they know that all in all i am an individual with a beautiful mind and a big heart who wants love more than anything and above all things. they know my faults, my weaknesses, my shortcomings; yet still accept me despite all these things. Hopefully we can be friends till the days of sitting in rocking chairs and talking about life; hopefully you will be there for me until we ultimately part ways forever.
HJC SLH
I take pride in helping anyone who needs it, but seldom does anyone appreciate it and learn from what i had to say. Even slimmer is the chance that they "pay it forward" and give back what i have given them. It started off like it did with everyone else; but through time it grew into something more. and over an even greater span, i see this person that i admire so much; someone i feel has more potential than even myself. Everyone claims to be wiser than they are, but only fools claim knowledge that they do not possess. Lest I be a fool, I believe that this person be a greater mind than myself. I wish i could spend more time with her, now and when she was always around. Yes, we would have fun and laugh and such, but I would still have someone to talk to when no one else understands the struggles that we each have. Come back to me one day? And always believe in yourself, because for goodness sakes I do.
MDH
Purity is seldom kept after the age of say....five. And since i don't associate with five year olds(that would be kind of creepy), i don't know many people who are still even an eighth pure. But someone i know, despite being older than I, I feel keeps the child in her heart above all else; and believes in true love and a perfect world even though the world deems it not. I have been through a lot, and my views are tainted and I can never believe in things I cannot trust or prove. I believe that darkness does indeed reign, and fools create this famine of knowledge that is prevalent throughout society. But she believes in the good in the hearts of all people, that it will prevail above all else in the end. I have a hard time believing such things, but if anyone can show me the heart and the purity of the child, she is very well capable. It shows me that there is indeed someone out there in the world to fight for.
BLD
The model woman. A strong woman who knows how to be strong yet understand what it means to hurt and feel pain. My friend who i never gave much credit for because i was always being loud and commandeering to those who gave me attention rather than someone i could truly learn from. I even had a crush on her for a while, she is such a beautiful person. I swear this person inspires me more than any other, yet she doesn't even know it. I don't know if she will ever read this; she probably thinks i am hypocritical for saying one thing and doing another. I truly admire you dear. I constantly stalk you(as creepy as it can't be) loll reading your page and your blog because you always have something extraordinary to say. keep in touch please, as you move on in life. and BTW, i still do.
JC
I don't look up to too many men; athletes often have different morals than myself, my father isn't around, and can't find a president that i believe wholeheartedly in. And not too many people have been through the same things that I have, yet have a positive outlook on the world. I talk to J cause no one is realer. He is about the same things I am; though I wont admit it but a few more times before it happens, I am looking for a strong black woman to marry and have kids that will be greater than what I am. He is about getting an education and rising above the hood that America has put us in. He is about walking on the haters shoulders, he is real. He understands that it is commonplace in America for black men to fail, and he understands that it is up to black men like us to succeed. Breaking molds, building bridges, creating a new society for our children and so on to have equal opportunity to succeed. J mulla knows that I am real, he knows what I am about; and even though he knows I like to have my fun and love to do my thing(WGS), he knows I stay on the real cause that’s all I know. To someone who knows me for me, and someone I hope to stand beside when we graduate in 2011.
"Infinite is the number of fools,"
and the number of friends is few.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Facilius per partes in cognitionem totius adducimur
PREFACE
In our world today, senile old men are seldom heard and the words of our adolescence often fall upon deaf ears. If true wisdom is mistaken as senility and the purity of the child is perceived as naive, whose words shall we hear? Will it be the later or the former? Shall we listen to the middle man? Often times when we are in search of the truth, we forget that everyone of us has a voice; everyone young and old has a piece of this puzzle that is the greater good. This higher form of good knows not the corruption nor the infidelity that goes on in today’s world. It is not formed from the lawmakers of today’s government in which we can no longer trust, for it seems everything can be bought in our society; even a man’s morals and values. So whom shall we trust, as a people who excel toward one common goal? Indeed, we can trust the people. We can trust ourselves. As the old are wise with experience and knowledge, and as the young are pure and speak truly from the heart; we may use these as tools of change. But whom shall use these tools? For the neither the old or the young are strong enough to carry such a message. A man who is willing will be the vessels of this gathered knowledge, he who understand both sides of the spectrum; and with the things he has seen and the voices he has heard will be a weapon fashioned be the greatest of smiths. His words cut sharp into the hearts of the people, His weapon so formidable that it may destroy this pseudo-democracy that reigns over our society. What makes his words different than anyone else’s? Because surely, he is just a man. For this is true, I know nothing compared to that of our elders, and my heart is blackened by time that I may not speak as do the hearts of my kindred. But I hear and I see and I understand. I am part of the people, I am a part of the puzzle. I am the people, I am the wielder of a weapon that will stand against injustice so that as a whole, the people will prevail. With it, I will stand against corruption and tear down the walls that capitalism and authoritarianism have created. Bonded by our fathers and our mothers who worked and fought for the rights of the people, this weapon that I wield is unbreakable. As part of it, I am unbreakable. With it, my words shall cut their way into history. With it, I shall bring about change.
"We are easier led part by part to the understanding of a whole"
In our world today, senile old men are seldom heard and the words of our adolescence often fall upon deaf ears. If true wisdom is mistaken as senility and the purity of the child is perceived as naive, whose words shall we hear? Will it be the later or the former? Shall we listen to the middle man? Often times when we are in search of the truth, we forget that everyone of us has a voice; everyone young and old has a piece of this puzzle that is the greater good. This higher form of good knows not the corruption nor the infidelity that goes on in today’s world. It is not formed from the lawmakers of today’s government in which we can no longer trust, for it seems everything can be bought in our society; even a man’s morals and values. So whom shall we trust, as a people who excel toward one common goal? Indeed, we can trust the people. We can trust ourselves. As the old are wise with experience and knowledge, and as the young are pure and speak truly from the heart; we may use these as tools of change. But whom shall use these tools? For the neither the old or the young are strong enough to carry such a message. A man who is willing will be the vessels of this gathered knowledge, he who understand both sides of the spectrum; and with the things he has seen and the voices he has heard will be a weapon fashioned be the greatest of smiths. His words cut sharp into the hearts of the people, His weapon so formidable that it may destroy this pseudo-democracy that reigns over our society. What makes his words different than anyone else’s? Because surely, he is just a man. For this is true, I know nothing compared to that of our elders, and my heart is blackened by time that I may not speak as do the hearts of my kindred. But I hear and I see and I understand. I am part of the people, I am a part of the puzzle. I am the people, I am the wielder of a weapon that will stand against injustice so that as a whole, the people will prevail. With it, I will stand against corruption and tear down the walls that capitalism and authoritarianism have created. Bonded by our fathers and our mothers who worked and fought for the rights of the people, this weapon that I wield is unbreakable. As part of it, I am unbreakable. With it, my words shall cut their way into history. With it, I shall bring about change.
"We are easier led part by part to the understanding of a whole"
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